Twenty years ago...

I moved to St. Paul in September of 1996, about 3 or 4 weeks after my dad passed away. I moved in with a friend who owned a house on St. Paul's west side - there were actually 5 or 6 of us living in the house (something that is relatively easy to do in your 20's....I can't even fathom that kind of living situation now).

I was surrounded by women who loved to look pretty, loved to wear dresses, loved Jesus, and prayed faithfully for a good, holy husband. And then there was me.....living in a bedroom down in the basement, slowly coming to terms with my sexuality - something I had been secretly fighting for about 10 years.....while in high school in the middle of the bible belt....while in college at one of the most conservative schools in the country.....while in the convent pretending to have a religious vocation.....while serving with a traveling youth ministry team for 2 years.....while back in school on that same conservative campus.....while living in Houston, working as a nanny.....and lastly, while experiencing my dad's death.

That Fall, after his death, I took some of the money from my dad's estate and bought my first computer. And with a little help from my new friend AOL, I ventured out into the crazy world of the Information Super-highway.

Once online, I met Sarah P - she invited me to join a group of women for an evening out.

And that's how I ended up at a gay bar for the first time. Even though I was scared to death, a part of me knew I was taking a huge step just by going out that night.

Going to a bar might not seem like a big deal to you, but I assure you - it was the scariest thing I had ever done.

And that night, at a gay bar, full of folks just like me, I met a group of women who would become friends....and eventually, they became family.

That bar was my safe place, and it remained my safe place for many years. A gay bar.

I never went to get drunk or hook-up. Those things never happened. I simply wanted to be around people like me. At a gay bar.



A sanctuary. A safe haven. A gay bar.



Orlando - I am so sorry.