Richard and Mildred

If these two made it into any of my high school history lessons, I don't remember it.

Richard and Mildred Loving, Virginia residents, married in DC in the summer of 1958. Richard was white, and Mildred was African American and Native American.

After returning to Virginia, they were arrested in their home in the middle of the night and charged with "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth" under Virginia's anti-interracial marriage law.

They served one year in prison and were given a 25-year suspension. They were told to leave Virginia....they could return to visit family, but not together. Frustrated by these restrictions and by financial difficulties they were experiencing in DC, Mildred decided to write a letter of protest to the US Attorney General - Bobby Kennedy. Kennedy referred her to the ACLU, and the case eventually made it all the way to the Supreme Court.

In 1967, the Supreme Court overturned their conviction, ruling that the anti-interracial marriage law violated the 14th Amendment (due process and equal protection).

In an interview with the Washington Evening Star in 1965, Mildred said, "We loved each other and got married. We are not marrying the state. The law should allow a person to marry anyone he wants."

And then on 6/12/2007 - the 40th anniversary of that Supreme Court decision, Mildred issued a statement that concluded with the following:

"My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said [this happened earlier - a judge ruled that God had created different races of people because He intended for these races to remain separated], that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone, they have a right to marry.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the 'wrong kind of person' for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight, seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about."


I am grateful to Richard (passed away in 1975) and Mildred (passed away in 2008)......for their tenacity, their character, their strength, their determination, their fearlessness.......and their love.

Amy - you are my Richard. You are my Mildred. And I love you.

Numbers and Percentages

Several weeks ago, I took about 5 minutes out of my day to adjust my direct deposit information at work - instead of dumping everything into my personal checking account, I'm now also contributing to our joint checking and savings accounts.

And I know it's a small thing (and something that millions of people all over the world have been doing for a long, long time), but seeing both of our names on those checks is a wonderful sight. It actually makes my heart happy.

And making plans for a future together is more fun and rewarding than just about anything else I've ever done. I pray I will never take any of it for granted.

Those plans include things like:

Finding a house...acquiring a dog...growing a garden...buying a car...trips we want to take



Life is good.

Guns and McDreamy

A part of me was pretty convinced I'd end up living the rest of my life without finding someone to love. But now that I have found love, I realize I actually believed I'd live the rest of my life without finding anyone to love me. There's a pretty big difference between the two...

Remember Patrick Dempsey in Can't Buy Me Love? Well, I certainly never considered paying Amy $1000 to be my girlfriend for a month, but earlier in our relationship, I'd catch myself wondering where the gun was hiding....you know - the gun that was pointed at her head, threatening to shoot her unless she pretended to love me. It's crazy, but true.

But I also think it was important for me to have had those thoughts.....because it allowed God to move in and say something like "See dumbass! I told you I had good things planned for your life!" - and now I'm able to own those good things....that best thing....that love.....that person.

God is good.

Really, really good.



And I'm blessed.

Really, really blessed.

Closing Ceremonies

I don't know about you, but I feel like my weekend needs a Closing Ceremony!

Things kicked off on Friday morning. Amy and I headed to the Pierce County Fair in Ellsworth, WI (you remember - the Cheese Curd Capital....of Wisconsin). Let's just say it was an incredibly successful day, full of blue ribbons, purple ribbons, a plaque, and big smiles.....oh, and lots of poop. Good God, those giant animals sure do poop a lot. It's actually quite overwhelming. And the smells....oh God....the smells. It's not pretty.

On the way home, we stopped at Morelli's on St Paul's east side. Morelli's is an old school Italian market - kind of a cross between a liquor store and a butcher shop. Among the things we picked up were 2 gorgeous New York Strips.....and we capped the day off by grilling those beauties for dinner.

Then on Saturday, we headed to the Irish Fest near downtown St Paul. Ok - this might be a good time to admit that I'm not sure which is right - Irish Fest or Irish Fair......oh well, you get the idea. Anyway, we had a blast watching a few kids we know dance with their respective dance schools. Two of those kids are going into kindergarten this fall, so watching them 'dance' was full of lots of cheers and clapping.....and laughter. I mean, really - they were hysterically fun to watch. After the dancing ended, we walked around, ate some food, and watched some people. It was an excellent day.

And then this morning, we headed to Red Wing, MN with a couple of friends.....spent some time shopping, and then made our way to a winery for some wine tasting and lunch. The views were spectacular, the food tasty, the wine wonderful, and the company perfect. It was a fantastic day!

But the piece that made the weekend absolutely perfect was having Amy at my side for all of it. I continue to be amazed at the good things in my life, and she is at the top of that list. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I intend to spend the rest of my life paying the universe back for this gift.

A little competition

Competition is good for the soul, right? Or something like that, anyway.....I'm pretty sure of it.

Amy and I are currently enveloped in this notion of competition. Some of it we're experiencing ourselves, and some of it we're witnessing in others.

Tomorrow, for example, we're traveling to the Cheese Curd Capital of the World.....Ellsworth, WI.....not to eat cheese curds, but to watch the 11-year old and the 8-year old show steer at the Pierce County Fair. And I can tell you from watching this type of stuff for the past 3 or so years that this is true competition.....and there's nothing like depending on your enormous animal to be well-behaved in order for you to do well in the competition!

And since I grew up in a city.....and then moved to another city....and then another city.....and so on....I have no idea what any of it means. I just provide enthusiastic smiles and a few high-fives and fist bumps along the way as I listen to whatever stories the kids choose to tell.

And in the spirit of Full Disclosure, I just googled Ellsworth to make sure it was actually the Cheese Curd Capital of the World. It is not. It is merely the Cheese Curd Capital of Wisconsin. Sad.

Anyway, here's a picture of the then 10-year old in action last summer:

And one of the then 7-year old in action:





And not to be outdone by these giant animals, Nibbles the Rabbit is also making his 2nd appearance in County Fair competition. I don't have a good picture of Nibs that I can load here, but I'll be sure to take one tomorrow. Nibs was the only bunny entered in his class yesterday, so I'm happy to say he hopped away with a blue ribbon. The 8-year old also showed Nibbles in the Open Class. Sadly, Nibs did not win......and on the way home, the 8-year old struggled to reconcile her love for Nibbles with her sheer desire for victory, and she wondered (out loud, I've been told) how she could manage to find a better bunny to show next year even though she adores her bunny. And yes, there were tears involved.

As if all this weren't enough, Amy recently informed me that her parents are hosting their Second Annual Ribs and Bags tournament.....oh God.....was I supposed to capitalize "tournament?" I really don't know. Anyway, the "ribs" part is easy. Amy's dad grills ribs, and I eat them. Like I said - easy. But the "bags" part is giving me some concern. It's that classic backyard game where you toss a bag (filled with corn) across the yard, trying to get it to go through a tiny hole....in a board.....25 damn feet away from where you're standing. There's even a $5 entry fee, so this is serious shit.

I am not prepared for serious shit. Not at all.

So today on our way home from work, we bought our own toss-the-bag-into-the-hole game so we can practice before the blessed event. We're getting ready for a practice round tonight.....in the apartment.....while watching the Olympics. It's not the most convenient venue for practice, but we're not in a position to be too picky. Depending on how I perform in this practice round, I might update you all tomorrow......or I might not.

In the meantime, we're watching the US Women's Volleyball team play against Korea......our team is doing well.

That pesky Golden Rule

We all know what it is......right? There are several variations, but the meaning is always the same:

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

That's it.

The older I get, the more I understand this and own it. Because when you think about it, it just makes good sense, and this basic idea can carry over into so many other areas......like:

1. Raising kids who eat vegetables. I don't have kids, but I'm pretty sure the best way to get your kids to eat their vegetables is to let them see you eating your vegetables.

2. Managing people. I don't manage people, but I really do believe that if you want to see a particular behavior in your employees, you'd be smart to display that same behavior without offering excuses about why you're exempt from such behavior.

3. Interacting with other humans. If you'd like to experience other humans who are pleasant and kind, it might be a good idea to be pleasant and kind, too.


And if I want you to accept me for who I am, then I need to accept you for who you are.....and what you believe......and what you think. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying - we don't need to agree....but we should really try to be respectful and kind.

Maybe my thinking is over-simplified.

Maybe.

And if I'm not right, I'm at least pretty close.

Toilet paper and life

When I think about the fact it's only been 12 years since Bob Jones University lifted a ban on interracial dating, I become a bit disheartened for this same-sex marriage debate.

I've talked to people who assume that folks who are still threatened by same-sex relationships are only threatened because they don't actually know anyone who is gay. But that's just not true. Things take time. A lot of time. Bob Jones University.....need I say more?

I'm just going to continue living my life. I'm going to eat breakfast, drink coffee, watch the news, grab a new roll of toilet paper when the previous roll runs out, attempt to do crossword puzzles, set the alarm clock before falling asleep, dream about watching US Open tennis in person, go to church, wash my hair, change the sheets, wash the dishes, and love the person who so perfectly showed up in my life that she can be considered nothing less than a gift from God.

That's it.

And when you think about it, aren't we all just trying to live the best life we can live? I don't know about you, but I really don't have the time or energy to worry about whether or not you are living the life you were meant to live. I hope you are, but you're in charge of that - not me. And if you do things or eat things or use certain products or refuse to use certain products, so be it. Those decisions don't affect me in the slightest.

And believe me - some of you do some things that I think are downright hysterically stupid.....but there's the important part - it's just my opinion, and my opinion doesn't mean shit when it comes to you and your life.

So in the end, I hope you want me to be happy just like I want you to be happy.

If it makes you happy to eat olives, then please eat olives. Personally, I hate the things.....but if you like them, then I want you to enjoy them.

If it makes you happy to listen to jazz, then please listen to jazz. Personally, I never developed an appreciation for jazz.....but if you like it, then I want you to enjoy it.

If it makes you happy to use Aqua Fresh toothpaste, then please use Aqua Fresh toothpaste. Personally, I'm a Crest girl.....and I prefer the paste to the gel, thank you.

If you fell in love with someone of the opposite gender and got married and it makes you happy, I'm very happy for you. I fell in love with someone of the same gender.....can you be happy for me like I've been happy for you? It really is that easy.

And Amy, I really will try to be better about remembering to grab a new roll of toilet paper when the previous roll runs out. Making you happy makes me happy. It really is that simple.

Kindness and smiles

Incline Village, NV is a gorgeous town on the north-eastern shore of Lake Tahoe. My NET team facilitated a confirmation retreat at the catholic parish in town during my first year with NET. It was scheduled to be an overnight retreat, and I was standing just outside the main doors of the church as the high school kids began to arrive - trying to greet them with some enthusiasm as their parents dropped them off.

I watched her get out of the passenger side of her mom's car. The two of them walked through the parking lot toward the church, and I'm sure I said something humerous in an effort to make the kid feel better about the fact that she was getting ready to spend her entire weekend at chuch.

Whatever I said did not work. That kid stared at me with a look that said "leave me the hell alone, lady".....and her mom tried to smile - you know the smile - it's the oh-my-god-i've-failed-as-a-parent-and-everyone-knows-it smile. I smiled back - held the door for them, and went on to greet more kids as they continued to arrive.

This kid's mood did not improve, and soon she ended up by herself in the room where the girls would be sleeping. A couple of my teammated tried to get the kid to rejoin the retreat in the other room, but this girl wouldn't budge. And that's when I decided to give it a try.....

You might think I'm going to tell you that I was able to talk her into taking her headphones off, put the music away, and come back to the retreat......but that's not what happened.

I went in to chat with her - I asked her to pause the music for a bit......we talked for a few minutes, and it became clear to me that there was no way she was going to change her mind. So after agreeing to call her mom to come and get her, I told her that even though she completely blew me off when I had tried being nice to her when she had first walked into the church, that there was something about her that I liked a lot, and I didn't know why.

And by God, she smiled.

She actually looked me in the eyes. And smiled.

Fast forward one year. In an uncommon move, I ended up returning to several locations during my second year with NET......Incline Village was one of them. And that same mom brought her son. I recognized mom right away - went up to her - told her I remembered her daughter from the year before. She immediately started apologizing for her daughter's behavior....I shook my head and told her that I had actaully enjoyed her daughter even though things didn't end as well as they could have ended, and I asked how that daughter was doing.

I found out that had finished high school early and was working for one of the local resorts. Since I had the following day off, I decided to drive down to that resort to see if I could say hello.

She was working at the front desk - her head was down looking at a piece of paper. I walked up to the desk. She looked up, smiled, and said "oh my god - you're back!"

The whole point of this story is to remind you that you really can make a difference in people's lives. A little bit of kindness and respect can create change.

I don't know where that kid is anymore, but I hope she's doing well....and I hope she's happy.

Summer, sun and baseball

Well, I have nothing to say tonight - I spent three hours in the sun this afternoon at a baseball game, and then I sat in two different bars and drank beer.....I've got nothing left for this blog.

It's sad, but true.

And no - I'm not linking this post to facebook. If you should happen to find it on your own, please accept my apologies.

This girl's gotta sleep. Now.