Is it November 6th yet???

If there's one thing I'll never tolerate, it's being told how to vote.

I won't tolerate that shit from anyone, whether we agree politically or not. I won't tolerate it from family - from friends - from Amy - from Amy's family - from Amy's friends - from coworkers - from neighbors - from former classmates.

And not from priests.

And certainly not from bishops.

And please don't threaten me with promises of spending an eternity in hell for potentially voting for someone you don't think deserves my Catholic vote. Because my salvation (or potential damnation, according to some) is none of your damn business. Period.

I know some of you think you're doing me a favor......and I know you're honestly doing what you think is right.

But try this one on for size:

I also think what I'm doing is right. And blessed by God. And good. And holy. Yes - even holy.


A lot of folks have asked how this Marriage Amendment outcome will affect my life. And the answer is pretty simple. It won't.

I'm still going to spend the rest of my life with Amy. I'm still going to be joined to her in marriage next September, and it doesn't make a $&%@# difference whether this amendment passes or not. She is my gift from God, and you better damn well believe I'm going to celebrate that gift.

And you'll either stand by me with your love and support, or you won't....

But regardless of your response, it's going to happen.

What my mind does when I'm in the pool

I'm sure I'm not the only who has experienced this......but have you ever started thinking about something, only to wonder how in the hell you arrived at that thought??

It happened to me last night in the pool.

I was remembering pieces of my day....emails I wrote at work, conversations I had throughout the day, things I wrote or read on facebook......and that's when I remembered writing a 'happy birthday' note to one of my teammates from my 2nd year with NET.....which then brought back a memory of the last time I saw that teammate.....

I had been living in Houston, TX - and I, along with two teammates from that same 2nd year team, were driving up to St Paul for a NET Alumni reunion....the timing worked for everyone, and we were able to make a very short stop in Kansas to see this other teammate.....

The visit was short and sweet, and we continued on our way to Minnesota.

Almost as soon as we arrived in St Paul, I was told my dad was in the hospital and not doing well. It's a bit of a long story, but my dad had not been well for a very long time, and I was almost constantly preparing for his death.....I had even picked out two separate funeral outfits in an effort to plan ahead for the inevitable.


But that's not what was filling my memory last night. I was actually thinking about the last time we talked on the phone. My teammates and I were scheduled to leave Houston on Thursday (that might be right - I mean, it was 1996 for crying out loud - my memory is good, but it ain't perfect).....ok, as I was saying, we were scheduled to leave Houston on Wednesday or Thursday (do you like how I just sort of tossed 'Wednesday' into the picture?).....and my dad asked if I could make a stop in Madison, WI to see him.....and I said we couldn't - it was too far out of the way....and that was the truth - Madison is like 250 miles east (southeast, really) of the twin cities, and we were coming from Texas.....driving to Madison wasn't going to be a possibility. It was just too far out of the way.

And I can remember how sad he sounded on the phone.....sad that I'd be so close and yet still unable to see him.

And I remember thinking he'd get over it.

But then.....he died. On Saturday.

Don't get me wrong - this isn't some sort of sob story about how I was a bad daughter who couldn't even manage to make a simple request of "can you stop here for a quick visit?" work out.....it was actually just good for my heart to remember talking to him on the phone that day. Because whenever I think about my dad, I don't tend to think about....or remember....the phone calls.

I guess I'm grateful for those quiet moments when I can accidentally travel through my own memories.....and I'm damn grateful I've managed to let go of the guilt that was unknowingly trapped inside my body for a lot of years following my dad's death.

And as crazy as it sounds, I'm grateful to have gone through that experience. It sobered up the concept of death for me. Death was no longer just a possibility.....it was a reality. Death sucks....and it's hard....and it's sad....and it hurts like hell, but it's not something any of us can escape.

It lives in that giant folder in my heart called Important Life Lessons.

Photos and stuff

I've been absent for a few weeks - life has been busy. And in those moments when life has slowed down, I've chosen couch snuggles over blog-writing. So sue me.

One big thing Amy and I accomplished this past week was hiring a photographer for our wedding next fall. It is seriously nice not to have to worry about that or even give it much more thought, mostly because we now know how much we're spending on that piece, and in this case, knowing is better than wondering.

Actually, this whole choosing-a-photographer thing is a nice intro to my next subject: stupidity.

Earlier this week, I glanced at the website dedicated to the Vote Yes campaign, mostly just to see what folks are reading when they land there. One thing it mentions is if "genderless marriage" becomes legal in Minnesota, folks offering professional services will risk being taken to court if they refuse those professional services to same-sex married couples on the grounds that they don't believe those couples to be legit.

But I've got news for you. If you are one of those folks offering a professional service.....and you have gone out of your way to market yourself to the conservative Christian population, I'd rather take a spoon and scoop out my own eyeball than ask you for your professional service. Seriously - if you are a wedding photographer, for instance, who makes it clear that you feel way the hell more comfortable taking pictures of straight couples than gay couples, I'm not even going to contact you. You won't even make it onto the giant "maybe" list. Contacting you would be a complete and utter waste of my time.....and it would be a waste of your time.....and I don't want to waste your time because I am not a jerk.

I'm also well aware that this world of ours is filled with jerks who would enjoy nothing more than paying a conservative Christian photographer thousands of dollars to photograph a gay wedding.

But those jackasses are always going to be out there. And maybe you haven't noticed, but jackasses are everywhere. They come in all shapes and sizes, all genders and sexualities, races and religions.

So if you're one of those priests or ministers who is convinced you're going to be forced into officiating at gay weddings, sit down and relax......and think about it from my perspective for just a minute. I don't know about the rest of the world and what kind of person they want to officiate at their wedding, but I can promise you I'd rather have someone officiate at my wedding who doesn't look repulsed and angry and bitter.....someone who believes it's possible for God to bring two people together - who happen to be of the same gender - and who believes in that love and celebrates that love. Why the hell would I want anything less?

But then again, I am not a jerk. And neither are most of the people I know.

I just wish people would stop being so damn afraid......afraid of folks who love differently than them - pray differently than them - eat differently than them - play differently than them - relax differently than them - walk differently than them. Recognizing and accepting each other's differences is not a weakness.

Fear, however, is a weakness. At least that's what I think.