If you're anything like me, you know some intolerant people.
But something dawned on me earlier this afternoon. Sometimes I expect intolerance from certain people - I automatically assume those people are going to act in a certain way or respond in a certain way. And then I'm surprised when I'm wrong.
After thinking about it for a bit, I realized it's just as wrong for me to expect intolerance as it is for others to be intolerant. There's enough shit out there in the world - I certainly don't need to go looking for more.
Amy and I stopped by the grocery store on the way home from work this afternoon. Wait - before I get to that story, let me first explain that I've lived in this current apartment for nearly 4 years. And in those 4 years, I can count on one hand the number of times I've bumped into someone I know from my days with NET (that's the youth ministry organization I served with about 20 years ago). But since Amy moved in with me this past April, I see those NET folks all the time. It's almost creepy.....
Until today (with only one exception), I've been too timid to introduce any of them to Amy. It's always seemed too weird. Ok - who am I kidding? It hasn't seemed weird, it's been downright uncomfortable.....and "uncomfortable" and I have never been close friends.
But today, for whatever reason, I stopped this former supervisor of mine in the parking lot - smiled - said hello - and introduced him to "my partner, Amy."
And nothing happened.
His head didn't spin around. He didn't scream. He didn't start praying over me.
He just simply shook her hand and said, "nice to meet you, Amy."
Huh. How about that? I expected a particular behavior, and I was wrong. Dead wrong.
I'm going to try to remember this experience......because I really want to change that pattern in myself. I want to start expecting good things instead of expecting to be disappointed.
Thanks, Christopher.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Creating new life
For the first 41 years of my life, I've been taught that the fundamental nature of marriage is to create new life....or at least be open to that new life.
The second part of that is questionable for me, only because I have known plenty of amazing legally-married couples in my adult life who have decided not to have kids....and I absolutely respect their decision - their reasons simply aren't important to me.
But I hope you'll indulge me for a few minutes as I talk about this notion of "creating new life." For my first 41 years, I understood this to mean one thing, and one thing only - having babies. But over the course of these last 10 months with Amy, I have come to understand things a bit differently. The growth of this relationship has been like my own rebirth. I know that sounds strange and wacked out, but I am completely serious. I am, simply put, a new person.
I have spent many years playing the role of funny-yet-bitterly-sarcastic-person who always knew how to get a laugh......and along with that role came the glass-is-always-half-empty attitude. Like I said, I know this all might sound strange, but my outlook on life has taken a dramatic turn. Some friends make fun of me, but the sun really does shine brighter - the flowers really do smell sweeter - the coffee really does taste better - the laughter is louder and more frequent - a cold beer even tastes better on a hot day. Seriously. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow will bring....what next month will bring....what next year will bring. It's all good, and it keeps getting better. And it amazes me every day.
I've never felt compelled to have babies, so I never thought I'd understand what it meant to create life. But I am creating new life - both within myself, and with the person I love.....and it's better than anything I could have ever imagined.
The second part of that is questionable for me, only because I have known plenty of amazing legally-married couples in my adult life who have decided not to have kids....and I absolutely respect their decision - their reasons simply aren't important to me.
But I hope you'll indulge me for a few minutes as I talk about this notion of "creating new life." For my first 41 years, I understood this to mean one thing, and one thing only - having babies. But over the course of these last 10 months with Amy, I have come to understand things a bit differently. The growth of this relationship has been like my own rebirth. I know that sounds strange and wacked out, but I am completely serious. I am, simply put, a new person.
I have spent many years playing the role of funny-yet-bitterly-sarcastic-person who always knew how to get a laugh......and along with that role came the glass-is-always-half-empty attitude. Like I said, I know this all might sound strange, but my outlook on life has taken a dramatic turn. Some friends make fun of me, but the sun really does shine brighter - the flowers really do smell sweeter - the coffee really does taste better - the laughter is louder and more frequent - a cold beer even tastes better on a hot day. Seriously. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow will bring....what next month will bring....what next year will bring. It's all good, and it keeps getting better. And it amazes me every day.
I've never felt compelled to have babies, so I never thought I'd understand what it meant to create life. But I am creating new life - both within myself, and with the person I love.....and it's better than anything I could have ever imagined.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I'm trying to threaten you.
Is it working? Do you feel threatened?
I'm only asking because that's apparently my goal - to make you feel threatened. It's all part of my gay agenda. Wait - am I supposed to capitalize that? Let's try again. It's all part of my Gay Agenda.
I digress. Let's get back to the whole 'feeling threatened' thing, because it's fascinating to me. If you're reading this, there's a pretty good chance you actually know me. Have you seriously ever felt threatened by me? And yet most of you, especially if you live in Minnesota and belong to any conservative circles, are being told I am a threat......to your way of life, to your marriage, to your kids, to your religious freedoms.
Let's talk about some of those things.
Your marriage. Can someone please help me understand how my life with my partner is a threat to your marriage? Seriously. I'd really like to know. We made a pot of coffee this morning. Was that the problem? Now we're reading the paper and watching the Olympics. Is that the problem? Amy is going to do a load of laundry in a minute or two. Could that be the problem? We had some friends and family over last night. Was that part of the problem? We're thinking about making a pasta dish for dinner, using the chard we received in our CSA box yesterday. Ha! I bet that's it - I bet that's the problem! I bet that's where the threat is located!
Your kids. Years ago, when the Boy Scouts first decided to ban gay men from being able to serve as scout leaders, my mom (god bless her) told me she agreed with that decision. To present the other side of the coin, I asked what she would think if I announced an intention to serve as a leader with the Girl Scouts, but then the Girl Scouts decided to ban lesbians. She responded by saying, "that's ridiculous, honey - kids love you." Exactly, mom.
When it comes right down to it, I am the same person I've always been.
I was gay when:
We went to Mass together
I ate dinner with your family
I saw you in the grocery store
I celebrated your birthday
We prayed a rosary
We served together on NET
We passed each other on the hill between Egan and the dorms
We played in the Embry Hills handbell choir
I find it ironic that we say things like "all things are possible with God," and then limit God when it comes to things that make us uncomfortable. It's pretty simple - God is either limited, or he's not. My challenge to you is this: If God knows no limit, then can you do me favor and just for a minute, entertain the notion that maybe....just maybe....my relationship with my partner is as blessed by God as your legal (and church blessed) marriage to your spouse? Or are we that wrong about this 'limitless God' thing?
I'm only asking because that's apparently my goal - to make you feel threatened. It's all part of my gay agenda. Wait - am I supposed to capitalize that? Let's try again. It's all part of my Gay Agenda.
I digress. Let's get back to the whole 'feeling threatened' thing, because it's fascinating to me. If you're reading this, there's a pretty good chance you actually know me. Have you seriously ever felt threatened by me? And yet most of you, especially if you live in Minnesota and belong to any conservative circles, are being told I am a threat......to your way of life, to your marriage, to your kids, to your religious freedoms.
Let's talk about some of those things.
Your marriage. Can someone please help me understand how my life with my partner is a threat to your marriage? Seriously. I'd really like to know. We made a pot of coffee this morning. Was that the problem? Now we're reading the paper and watching the Olympics. Is that the problem? Amy is going to do a load of laundry in a minute or two. Could that be the problem? We had some friends and family over last night. Was that part of the problem? We're thinking about making a pasta dish for dinner, using the chard we received in our CSA box yesterday. Ha! I bet that's it - I bet that's the problem! I bet that's where the threat is located!
Your kids. Years ago, when the Boy Scouts first decided to ban gay men from being able to serve as scout leaders, my mom (god bless her) told me she agreed with that decision. To present the other side of the coin, I asked what she would think if I announced an intention to serve as a leader with the Girl Scouts, but then the Girl Scouts decided to ban lesbians. She responded by saying, "that's ridiculous, honey - kids love you." Exactly, mom.
When it comes right down to it, I am the same person I've always been.
I was gay when:
We went to Mass together
I ate dinner with your family
I saw you in the grocery store
I celebrated your birthday
We prayed a rosary
We served together on NET
We passed each other on the hill between Egan and the dorms
We played in the Embry Hills handbell choir
I find it ironic that we say things like "all things are possible with God," and then limit God when it comes to things that make us uncomfortable. It's pretty simple - God is either limited, or he's not. My challenge to you is this: If God knows no limit, then can you do me favor and just for a minute, entertain the notion that maybe....just maybe....my relationship with my partner is as blessed by God as your legal (and church blessed) marriage to your spouse? Or are we that wrong about this 'limitless God' thing?
Friday, July 27, 2012
It's Friday, and that's a good thing
Honestly, if you had asked me a year ago whether I really cared about same-sex marriage, I would have said "no." And that's not completely true.....I mean, I cared about it, but it certainly wasn't affecting my life at all, so I didn't focus too much energy on the topic.
Let me give you some history:
I didn't really figure things out until I was 26 or 27. Ok, sure....I knew I was gay, but I wasn't ready to admit it until I was 26 or 27. But looking back, I know now that part of me had known for a long time.....even back to my childhood. Part of me knew in grade school, when I felt most comfortable playing basketball or soccer with the boys. And part of me knew in high school - when all my friends were dating boys and going to school dances and making out in parked cars. Facebook is now litered with random pictures from high school - pictures of couples at dances, pictures of groups having dinner before a dance, pictures of groups hanging out at someone's house after a dance.....and at first glance, I forget why I'm not in any of those pictures.....but then I remember.
And then there were those large family gatherings. You know the kind - generations of folks gathered together, probably for some holiday celebration. I have clear memories of relatives asking my sister to tell them stories about her latest love interests......but those same relatives knew better than to ask me for my stories, so I just listened along with everyone else - nodded or laughed at the appropriate times, and life went on.
I entered a convent when I was 20. It just seemed like the most logical thing to do. Church (and everything about it) was always a comfortable environment for me....and I knew enough to know I wasn't going to get married and give birth to babies.....so I became a nun. Deductive reasoning, right? Well, that lasted just shy of a year and a half. I left the convent with the intention of returning in a year or two, but that never happened.....and I'm not complaining about that. Not at all.
After I left the convent, I applied for a volunteer ministry position with NET Ministries - a traveling, team-based youth ministry based in West St Paul, MN. Even though my in-person interview was 21 years ago or so, I remember parts of it as if it happened yesterday. I remember being asked to affirm my belief in several aspects of Catholicism, and I remember answering "yes" to all but one question.....when she asked if I believed homosexuality to be sinful, I responded with "mmmhmmm" as if saying the word "yes" would somehow leave me in a tortured state from which I might never return. I'll never forget that. I went on to serve for 2 years with NET. I won't pretend they were easy years, but I don't regret a minute of that time. Maybe I'll tell you more about that 2-year experience some day....
Ok. It's time for dinner......and Wheel of Fortune just started. Don't make fun of me - this is damn good entertainment. You know you watch it, too. Some dude just guessed the answer - Frisky Feline Friends......not one of the better puzzles I've ever seen.
Let me give you some history:
I didn't really figure things out until I was 26 or 27. Ok, sure....I knew I was gay, but I wasn't ready to admit it until I was 26 or 27. But looking back, I know now that part of me had known for a long time.....even back to my childhood. Part of me knew in grade school, when I felt most comfortable playing basketball or soccer with the boys. And part of me knew in high school - when all my friends were dating boys and going to school dances and making out in parked cars. Facebook is now litered with random pictures from high school - pictures of couples at dances, pictures of groups having dinner before a dance, pictures of groups hanging out at someone's house after a dance.....and at first glance, I forget why I'm not in any of those pictures.....but then I remember.
And then there were those large family gatherings. You know the kind - generations of folks gathered together, probably for some holiday celebration. I have clear memories of relatives asking my sister to tell them stories about her latest love interests......but those same relatives knew better than to ask me for my stories, so I just listened along with everyone else - nodded or laughed at the appropriate times, and life went on.
I entered a convent when I was 20. It just seemed like the most logical thing to do. Church (and everything about it) was always a comfortable environment for me....and I knew enough to know I wasn't going to get married and give birth to babies.....so I became a nun. Deductive reasoning, right? Well, that lasted just shy of a year and a half. I left the convent with the intention of returning in a year or two, but that never happened.....and I'm not complaining about that. Not at all.
After I left the convent, I applied for a volunteer ministry position with NET Ministries - a traveling, team-based youth ministry based in West St Paul, MN. Even though my in-person interview was 21 years ago or so, I remember parts of it as if it happened yesterday. I remember being asked to affirm my belief in several aspects of Catholicism, and I remember answering "yes" to all but one question.....when she asked if I believed homosexuality to be sinful, I responded with "mmmhmmm" as if saying the word "yes" would somehow leave me in a tortured state from which I might never return. I'll never forget that. I went on to serve for 2 years with NET. I won't pretend they were easy years, but I don't regret a minute of that time. Maybe I'll tell you more about that 2-year experience some day....
Ok. It's time for dinner......and Wheel of Fortune just started. Don't make fun of me - this is damn good entertainment. You know you watch it, too. Some dude just guessed the answer - Frisky Feline Friends......not one of the better puzzles I've ever seen.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
It's a new blog! Yippee!
I was chatting with a good friend earlier this evening. Over the course of the conversation, we drifted from talking about cross-country road trips to the upcoming presidential election. While talking to this friend, I came to the following conclusion:
I have stuff to say. I have stuff I need to say.
And I figured this would be as good an avenue as anything in which to say that stuff.
Topic #1 - Facebook
I have like 720 friends on facebook. If you're one of them, hopefully you're someone I actually know and remember. That's right. I'm not proud of the fact that I do have a small handful of Facebook friends whom I don't remember at all. Sometimes I accept a friend request if I see we have certain friends in common. It's just the way it is. Get over it. And stop worrying....I'm sure you're one of the 715 friends I do remember.
I have facebook friends from every aspect of my life: people with whom I attended grade school in Madison, WI - people from high school in Atlanta - folks from college in Steubenville, OH - people I know from NET Ministries in West St Paul, MN - people I met while living in Houston, TX - folks I worked with at Leaflet Missal Company in St Paul - people I worked with at RFC in Minneapolis - folks I've known from the last 11.5 years I've spent at Capella Education Company in Minneapolis - people I've met since becoming a member of Spirit of Hope Catholic Community in Sunfish Lake, MN - and folks I've met along the journey.
I have facebook friends from the US, Canada, the UK, Japan, Finland, Lithuania, Australia, Taiwan, and Africa.
I have friends who are incredibly religious, and friends who are atheists.....friends who are Christian, and friends who are Muslim.....and everything in between.
Some friends are politically motivated, while others couldn't care less. And of those who are politically motivated, they cross all possible political affiliations.
I have friends who are employed, and friends who are unemployed. I also have friends who are underemployed.
Some friends are living lavishly while others are struggling to afford food.
I have friends with lots of children, and friends with no kids - some are childless by choice, and some are not.
Some friends think having lots of children is wonderful, while others think it's socially irresponsible.
I have friends that record tv shows on a dvr, and other friends who don't own a tv.....friends that drive beautiful cars, and friends who don't own a car......friends who live in small, urban, studio apartments, and friends who live in large, suburban, gated communities.
Hopefully my point is clear: I have facebook friends of every possible flavor, and I love it.
Ok. Now I'm tired. More to come tomorrow. Right now, I'm going to stretch out on the couch and relax.....and then I'm going to bed.
I have stuff to say. I have stuff I need to say.
And I figured this would be as good an avenue as anything in which to say that stuff.
Topic #1 - Facebook
I have like 720 friends on facebook. If you're one of them, hopefully you're someone I actually know and remember. That's right. I'm not proud of the fact that I do have a small handful of Facebook friends whom I don't remember at all. Sometimes I accept a friend request if I see we have certain friends in common. It's just the way it is. Get over it. And stop worrying....I'm sure you're one of the 715 friends I do remember.
I have facebook friends from every aspect of my life: people with whom I attended grade school in Madison, WI - people from high school in Atlanta - folks from college in Steubenville, OH - people I know from NET Ministries in West St Paul, MN - people I met while living in Houston, TX - folks I worked with at Leaflet Missal Company in St Paul - people I worked with at RFC in Minneapolis - folks I've known from the last 11.5 years I've spent at Capella Education Company in Minneapolis - people I've met since becoming a member of Spirit of Hope Catholic Community in Sunfish Lake, MN - and folks I've met along the journey.
I have facebook friends from the US, Canada, the UK, Japan, Finland, Lithuania, Australia, Taiwan, and Africa.
I have friends who are incredibly religious, and friends who are atheists.....friends who are Christian, and friends who are Muslim.....and everything in between.
Some friends are politically motivated, while others couldn't care less. And of those who are politically motivated, they cross all possible political affiliations.
I have friends who are employed, and friends who are unemployed. I also have friends who are underemployed.
Some friends are living lavishly while others are struggling to afford food.
I have friends with lots of children, and friends with no kids - some are childless by choice, and some are not.
Some friends think having lots of children is wonderful, while others think it's socially irresponsible.
I have friends that record tv shows on a dvr, and other friends who don't own a tv.....friends that drive beautiful cars, and friends who don't own a car......friends who live in small, urban, studio apartments, and friends who live in large, suburban, gated communities.
Hopefully my point is clear: I have facebook friends of every possible flavor, and I love it.
Ok. Now I'm tired. More to come tomorrow. Right now, I'm going to stretch out on the couch and relax.....and then I'm going to bed.
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