Blessed are the peacemakers

The Pope released his World Day of Peace (1/1/13) message on Dec 8th.

This is how it begins:
"Each new year brings the expectation of a better world. In light of this, I ask God, the Father of humanity, to grant us concord and peace, so that the aspirations of all for a happy and prosperous life may be achieved."

But then several paragraphs later, under the title 'Peacemakers are those who love, defend and promote life in its fullness,' he says:
"There is also a need to acknowledge and promote the natural structure of marriage as the union of a man and a woman in the face of attempts to make it juridically equivalent to radically different types of union; such attempts actually harm and help to destabilize marriage, obscuring its specific nature and its indispensable role in society."


Now let me be very clear. I am no longer a member of the Roman Catholic church, so his thoughts and words do not dictate how I live my life.....

But is it any wonder why we find ourselves on different ends of the spectrum on this gay marriage issue? I mean, really....I've been there. There was a time in my life when I would have been the first one to proclaim the pope's wisdom and truth in all things....and I also would have told you that the world was pretty damn black and white. Things were either right or wrong - good or bad - holy or evil......and if you disagreed with me or my beliefs, then you were wrong. It was really quite simple.

And then.....I came out.

Nothing shatters that perfect little black and white world like admitting you're attracted to other girls.

And nothing helps you reconstruct your understanding of God better than experiencing complete and utter acceptance and love from that same God.

And then almost overnight, you realize things aren't black and white.....good or bad.....holy or evil. Life is messy. Wonderfully messy. And there's room in this world for all of us, even if there are some things we disagree about. And disagreements are ok.....and healthy.

And even though the pope has spoken, he cannot stand between me and God. God is bigger than that. And our same-sex marriage (and subsequent inability to procreate) will not diminish my place or Amy's place in this world as peacemakers.

And when you support us and love us, God won't toss you from the Good pile to the Bad pile. God is bigger than that....even if the pope believes differently.

Life is Good

Life is good.


Things that make me happy, in no particular order:

Good smells coming from the oven
St Olaf Christmas Festival
MPR
Coffee
Amy
Amy's family
My family
Football
Once Upon a Child
Chocolate
Homemade chicken pot pie
Socks without holes
Coupons
Clean sheets
Spirit of Hope
Employment
Leaving the coat at home on December 2nd
Watching Amy knit
Finishing two books in one week
My kindle
Planning our wedding
Trader Joe's
Cereal
Being able to watch episodes of Parenthood using the On Demand feature
Always seeing someone I know at the grocery store
Lots of holiday party invitations
Weekends


Just feeling grateful for the people and things in my world that make life so good.

Looking for my WWJD bracelet

I've been thinking about this particular blog post for several days now, and I still have absolutely no idea how to start. I'm currently starting over for probably the 5th time....and I'm not promising the crap I'm typing right now won't become another victim of the Delete button in a few minutes.

You see.....this recent election has really done a number on my head...and my heart. And I don't know what to do about it.

I mean, there are some really good people out there who definitely think I'll be ruining the institution of marriage if gay marriage becomes legal and Amy and I decide to take the plunge (which we're doing anyway, even though it will bring no legal benefits). And in this world of the WWJD t-shirts and rubber bracelets and bumper stickers, do these people honestly believe Jesus would have their backs on this one? The same Jesus who preached the Beatitudes? The same Jesus who clothed the naked and fed the hungry? The same Jesus who cured the blind man? The same Jesus who told the crowd "you who have not sinned may cast the first stone?"

Because in my relatively simple mind, the answer is "no."

So can someone please help me understand something? If these good people are hearing these "gay marriage will ruin the world" messages from their churches....and at least some people in attendance haven't lost the gift of common sense.....then why in the hell aren't more people standing up and saying "Bullshit!"?

I'm serious.

The whole thing brings to mind that question our mothers asked us when they feared we were being too influenced by someone or something else.....you remember it....."so please tell me, sweetheart - if ____ told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it??"

And I don't know about you, but I always answered that question in one of two ways.....either with a sarcastic "NOOO, Mom - geez!" or with complete silence.....because I knew she was right.....I was allowing myself to be influenced in potentially unhealthy ways, and I was losing the ability to think for myself.

For instance, I remember something I was told back when I was in the convent.....basically, I was told I was honoring God with my promise of obedience to my superiors.....so much so that even if I felt God was asking something of me that wasn't necessarily in harmony with what my superiors were asking of me, it would be better for me to be obedient to my superiors than ignore what they were asking in favor of what I thought God was asking. And although I never said it outloud, I sure as hell said it to myself - Bullshit. But then again, I did only last a mere 18 months in that place.....

But seriously - common sense, which I believe is a gift from God, needs to come alive in us....especially when people in authority are telling us to do something that stirs up that feeling inside us that says "something isn't right here"......

So when a church says something like "we believe in the dignity of homosexual persons..." but then, what? You give us dignity while making it perfectly clear you won't allow us to be happy? Because our happiness will somehow act as a poison for all those "traditional marriages" out there? You think that's dignifying behavior? Bullshit.

And for those of you out there reading this who believe it's possible to push those nasty same-sex desires out of your heart because that's what the church has told you to do, the only thing I can say to you is, well, Bullshit.

Because as surely as I know the sun rose this morning and set again this evening, I know God is the mastermind behind my relationship with Amy. And if you think that's an impossibility, then I think you already know what my response will be. Bullshit. Because as I mentioned in a much earlier blog entry, we either believe all things are possible with God, or we don't. There simply isn't room for anything in the middle.

And if you're still stuck with this image of a God who can't bless or find joy in a love between two people, regardless of their genders, then I will pray for your God to become bigger in your heart.....even if that means you'll end up shouting "Bullshit" in the middle of Mass someday.

And when that happens, give me a call. And if that call comes after 9/20/13, we'll go out for a beer....and I'll show you our wedding pictures.

One week later....and thankful.

Well, it's over. The Marriage Amendment didn't pass. Our state constitution will not be amended to proclaim that marriage can only be between one man and one woman.

And tonight for dinner, Amy and I ate leftovers.....with a glass of wine. Oh, and a friend from work dropped a Christmas wreath off - we bought it from her kids. We each just finished reading our respective books. Now we're sitting on the couch, watching Modern Family.....still working on that glass of wine. I'm thinking about watering the plants. And I really should clip my fingernails before I go to bed tonight. Amy is working on something for church. I'm kind of wishing I was wearing socks, because my feet are cold.

And my state's constitution will not be amended. And I am thankful.

And I'm going to continue to take a shower every morning, and I'll keep brushing my teeth twice a day, and I'll stop the car when the light turns red, and we'll put up the Christmas tree sometime after the turkey has had ample time to digest, and I'll wear gloves when it's cold outside, and I'll tie my shoes before leaving the apartment, and we'll keep hitting the snooze button just once every morning before we finally groan and get up.

And my state's constitution will not be amended. And I am thankful.

And when we finally buy a house, we'll get a dog. And I'm trying to come up with Christmas gift ideas, and wondering if we should put a tv in the bedroom, and I'll try to find room in the freezer for that bottle of irish whiskey, and I'll get the coffee ready tonight before we go to bed, and I'll eat my yogurt and grape nuts for breakfast tomorrow morning, and I'll get on that bus tomorrow afternoon so I can go read to that 7 year-old like I do every Thursday, and then we'll both get our hair cut Friday after work.

And my state's constitution will not be amended - life continues just like always. And I am thankful.

But to those of you who live here in Minnesota, thank you for voting - regardless of how you voted. And if you voted "no" like I did, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for trusting me when I tell you that Amy is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Because when it comes right down to it, neither one of us wants something extraordinary - we just think it would be nice if we're eventually able to file a joint tax return.....I know - romantic, eh?

But for now, it's enough to know my state's constitution will not be amended.

And I am thankful.

An entry from a special guest...

......the "Amy" creature to whom I keep referring:

I’ve been thinking about family a lot lately.  I am blessed to be surrounded by family – I’ve got a big one – more than 20 first cousins.  It’s common for me and Lynn to be out and about and run into someone I’m related to.  I am consistently in awe of people who move across the country – l once moved 3 hours  away, and that lasted 365 days.  We’ll leave that adventure for another time.  I love my family – immediate, extended and those I’m not technically related to - for all that they bring to my life: opinions, cheering sections, amazing food, and really…endless entertainment.

 One of my favorite things as Lynn and I have grown our relationship is the people I’ve met.  Since she moved to the Twin Cities my love has met some amazing folks.   These folks have become part of her life in all sorts of ways – and what has become clear to me in spending time with these people is that people don’t have to be related to you to be family.  Okay – I knew this beforehand – but I’ve lived it these past few months in a way I never thought possible. 

 Why am I writing this now?  We vacationed at a B&B in Austin, TX a few weeks ago, owned by some of these family members to whom I’m referring.  We spent time with some amazing women.  Their love of my love couldn’t have been move evident. 

I realize that my presence has pulled Lynn away from those she (and now me) hold dear…and I thought I’d take this opportunity to say thank you for sharing.  Thank you for cherishing and sharing this amazing woman…Blessed…so, so blessed.

Is it November 6th yet???

If there's one thing I'll never tolerate, it's being told how to vote.

I won't tolerate that shit from anyone, whether we agree politically or not. I won't tolerate it from family - from friends - from Amy - from Amy's family - from Amy's friends - from coworkers - from neighbors - from former classmates.

And not from priests.

And certainly not from bishops.

And please don't threaten me with promises of spending an eternity in hell for potentially voting for someone you don't think deserves my Catholic vote. Because my salvation (or potential damnation, according to some) is none of your damn business. Period.

I know some of you think you're doing me a favor......and I know you're honestly doing what you think is right.

But try this one on for size:

I also think what I'm doing is right. And blessed by God. And good. And holy. Yes - even holy.


A lot of folks have asked how this Marriage Amendment outcome will affect my life. And the answer is pretty simple. It won't.

I'm still going to spend the rest of my life with Amy. I'm still going to be joined to her in marriage next September, and it doesn't make a $&%@# difference whether this amendment passes or not. She is my gift from God, and you better damn well believe I'm going to celebrate that gift.

And you'll either stand by me with your love and support, or you won't....

But regardless of your response, it's going to happen.

What my mind does when I'm in the pool

I'm sure I'm not the only who has experienced this......but have you ever started thinking about something, only to wonder how in the hell you arrived at that thought??

It happened to me last night in the pool.

I was remembering pieces of my day....emails I wrote at work, conversations I had throughout the day, things I wrote or read on facebook......and that's when I remembered writing a 'happy birthday' note to one of my teammates from my 2nd year with NET.....which then brought back a memory of the last time I saw that teammate.....

I had been living in Houston, TX - and I, along with two teammates from that same 2nd year team, were driving up to St Paul for a NET Alumni reunion....the timing worked for everyone, and we were able to make a very short stop in Kansas to see this other teammate.....

The visit was short and sweet, and we continued on our way to Minnesota.

Almost as soon as we arrived in St Paul, I was told my dad was in the hospital and not doing well. It's a bit of a long story, but my dad had not been well for a very long time, and I was almost constantly preparing for his death.....I had even picked out two separate funeral outfits in an effort to plan ahead for the inevitable.


But that's not what was filling my memory last night. I was actually thinking about the last time we talked on the phone. My teammates and I were scheduled to leave Houston on Thursday (that might be right - I mean, it was 1996 for crying out loud - my memory is good, but it ain't perfect).....ok, as I was saying, we were scheduled to leave Houston on Wednesday or Thursday (do you like how I just sort of tossed 'Wednesday' into the picture?).....and my dad asked if I could make a stop in Madison, WI to see him.....and I said we couldn't - it was too far out of the way....and that was the truth - Madison is like 250 miles east (southeast, really) of the twin cities, and we were coming from Texas.....driving to Madison wasn't going to be a possibility. It was just too far out of the way.

And I can remember how sad he sounded on the phone.....sad that I'd be so close and yet still unable to see him.

And I remember thinking he'd get over it.

But then.....he died. On Saturday.

Don't get me wrong - this isn't some sort of sob story about how I was a bad daughter who couldn't even manage to make a simple request of "can you stop here for a quick visit?" work out.....it was actually just good for my heart to remember talking to him on the phone that day. Because whenever I think about my dad, I don't tend to think about....or remember....the phone calls.

I guess I'm grateful for those quiet moments when I can accidentally travel through my own memories.....and I'm damn grateful I've managed to let go of the guilt that was unknowingly trapped inside my body for a lot of years following my dad's death.

And as crazy as it sounds, I'm grateful to have gone through that experience. It sobered up the concept of death for me. Death was no longer just a possibility.....it was a reality. Death sucks....and it's hard....and it's sad....and it hurts like hell, but it's not something any of us can escape.

It lives in that giant folder in my heart called Important Life Lessons.

Photos and stuff

I've been absent for a few weeks - life has been busy. And in those moments when life has slowed down, I've chosen couch snuggles over blog-writing. So sue me.

One big thing Amy and I accomplished this past week was hiring a photographer for our wedding next fall. It is seriously nice not to have to worry about that or even give it much more thought, mostly because we now know how much we're spending on that piece, and in this case, knowing is better than wondering.

Actually, this whole choosing-a-photographer thing is a nice intro to my next subject: stupidity.

Earlier this week, I glanced at the website dedicated to the Vote Yes campaign, mostly just to see what folks are reading when they land there. One thing it mentions is if "genderless marriage" becomes legal in Minnesota, folks offering professional services will risk being taken to court if they refuse those professional services to same-sex married couples on the grounds that they don't believe those couples to be legit.

But I've got news for you. If you are one of those folks offering a professional service.....and you have gone out of your way to market yourself to the conservative Christian population, I'd rather take a spoon and scoop out my own eyeball than ask you for your professional service. Seriously - if you are a wedding photographer, for instance, who makes it clear that you feel way the hell more comfortable taking pictures of straight couples than gay couples, I'm not even going to contact you. You won't even make it onto the giant "maybe" list. Contacting you would be a complete and utter waste of my time.....and it would be a waste of your time.....and I don't want to waste your time because I am not a jerk.

I'm also well aware that this world of ours is filled with jerks who would enjoy nothing more than paying a conservative Christian photographer thousands of dollars to photograph a gay wedding.

But those jackasses are always going to be out there. And maybe you haven't noticed, but jackasses are everywhere. They come in all shapes and sizes, all genders and sexualities, races and religions.

So if you're one of those priests or ministers who is convinced you're going to be forced into officiating at gay weddings, sit down and relax......and think about it from my perspective for just a minute. I don't know about the rest of the world and what kind of person they want to officiate at their wedding, but I can promise you I'd rather have someone officiate at my wedding who doesn't look repulsed and angry and bitter.....someone who believes it's possible for God to bring two people together - who happen to be of the same gender - and who believes in that love and celebrates that love. Why the hell would I want anything less?

But then again, I am not a jerk. And neither are most of the people I know.

I just wish people would stop being so damn afraid......afraid of folks who love differently than them - pray differently than them - eat differently than them - play differently than them - relax differently than them - walk differently than them. Recognizing and accepting each other's differences is not a weakness.

Fear, however, is a weakness. At least that's what I think.

Looking for Miracles

A couple of weeks ago, our pastor asked us to look for miracles. I don't know about you, but I'm not sure anyone has ever asked me to look for miracles before. Ok, sure - I believe in miracles and the possibility of miracles, but have I ever actually looked for one?


Well, it didn't take long to find one.


I am not going to use any names here, simply because I haven't received permission to tell this friend's story......but I can't shake it from my own head, so I'm going to tell it here.....or I'm going to tell you at least some of it.

As I've mentioned more than a few times, we'll be voting on whether or not to amend our state constitution this November - this amendment would declare marriage is only between one man and one woman. To say this has become a heated debate would be an understatement. The passion and energy folks feel, on both sides of this issue, is overwhelming. And believe me - I have friends on both sides of this issue. It's safe to say most people I know have "Vote No" signs in their yards.....but I also have some good friends with "Vote Yes" signs in their yards. Their reasons are sound, and it's not a personal attack on me. This isn't the first time I've disagreed with friends, and it certainly won't be the last. Some of you might not understand, and that's ok.

But back to the story.....

One of these friends with a "Vote Yes" sign received an invitation to an Open House that was going to double as a fundraiser for MN United - the people behind the "Vote No" campaign. This invitation came from someone new to the neighborhood who thought this would be a great way to meet new neighbors.

So the morning of the scheduled Open House, my friend poured herself a cup of coffee and headed over to this new neighbor's house to ask if she could bring anything to the Open House. This new neighbor's reaction was something like, "but you have a 'Vote Yes' sign in your yard!" My friend replied by saying "yes - but your invitation said 'Everyone is welcome,' and I'd love to come over because I'm glad you're here."

Needless to say, they both stood there with tears in their eyes, and they ended up in a hug.

Friends, God is bigger than this stupid vote. God is bigger than these stupid yard signs. God is bigger (much bigger, in fact) than a State Constitution.

God is bigger than our differences.

God is bigger......and each time I let myself glimpse that reality of God, I experience another miracle.

The "miracle" isn't that God is bigger than all these things, but in my acceptance of it.


And amendment or no amendment, I will marry my love....in front of our big God.....in front of our families....in front of our friends.....in 367 days.

Quite simply, I have never been happier.

And as long as I continue to look for miracles, you can bet I'll find them. They're everywhere.

My life. My liberty. My pursuit of happiness.

Over the past week or so, I've realized the following:

1. I have some amazing friends. Sometimes we agree - sometimes we cry together - sometimes we hurt each other - sometimes we laugh hysterically.....but we always find a way to appreciate each other and our differences....and we continue to cultivate those aspects of our friendships that brought us together in the first place. I am beyond blessed.

2. If I had children, I'm pretty sure I'd f*ck things up beyond repair.....and if I ever try to tell you that you're doing it wrong, please remind me that I have no damn idea what I'm talking about. I can't even imagine how difficult it is to raise a child.

3. I don't know what Amy and I did to deserve our little faith community.....these people came along when I didn't believe I'd ever call another church "home" again. Their very existence brought love into my life. I am grateful for the smiles, the hugs, the crazy little emails throughout the week, the nights of sewing and ironing, the shared meals, the laughter, and the total acceptance. It took me 40+ years to really learn the meaning of "community."

4. It takes only one small action from just a couple of people to create a huge amount of change. It's been a good reminder that if I simply continue to live openly and honestly, my life can actually create change. And that's no small thing.

5. You can't buy coffee (or anything, really) if you don't remember to bring money.

6. I fell in love with someone who comes from good people. Very good people.

7. This Marriage Amendment thing is difficult. And it's brewing a lot of hate on both sides of the issue. I can appreciate good passion, but not when that passion turns into hate. I'd love to see the "vote no" people stop stealing the "vote yes" signs.....and I'd love to see the "vote yes" people stop stealing the "vote no" signs. Issues like this can create amazing dialogue, but screaming at the opposition only spreads hate.....and I don't want any part of that. There is no room for that kind of hatred in my life with Amy. No room at all.

8. I love my life. I love my love.

I need a lawn

Amy and I were really excited to hang our newly-acquired political sign from the balcony.....we picked up 5 signs from a woman in St Paul - they read "Another Catholic Voting No," and we gave 4 of them away to other folks we know. The sign was up for about a week before we were asked to take it down....because hanging a sign is not a privilege of renting property.....and deep down, I knew it would likely be a problem, but I did it anyway.....and I don't regret it. Neither does Amy.

Because a small action like deciding to hang a sign out on a balcony for a week really is enough to cause someone to think about this vote....this election....this amendment. My life with Amy is about refusing to hide in the shadows. I know it sounds cliche, but if living my life...in the open...with the woman I love can be enough to make even one person pause to think about this issue, then I will have achieved more than I ever dreamed possible. That was a painfully long sentence. My bad.

I know this amendment is coming from a place of fear.....and I do understand that.....because I also have some stupid fears. But here's the catch: I know that most of my fears are completely irrational.

Some folks are suggesting that my relationship with Amy is going to diminish the sanctity of your marriage. But in order for that to happen, you've got to allow it. Because I'll tell you something - nothing you do with your love....nothing you say to your love....nothing you decide to eat for dinner....nothing you watch on tv.....nothing you choose to drive down the road will ever be enough to change my relationship with the woman I love. Nothing. Period. You simply don't have that kind of power over my life......and guess what? I don't have that kind of power of your life, either. I just don't. And you're just going to have to deal with that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to spend some time looking at houses for sale.....because I'll be damned if I'm going to be denied the opportunity to put a sign in my yard the next time something comes along that stirs up a passionate response in my bones.

Richard and Mildred

If these two made it into any of my high school history lessons, I don't remember it.

Richard and Mildred Loving, Virginia residents, married in DC in the summer of 1958. Richard was white, and Mildred was African American and Native American.

After returning to Virginia, they were arrested in their home in the middle of the night and charged with "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth" under Virginia's anti-interracial marriage law.

They served one year in prison and were given a 25-year suspension. They were told to leave Virginia....they could return to visit family, but not together. Frustrated by these restrictions and by financial difficulties they were experiencing in DC, Mildred decided to write a letter of protest to the US Attorney General - Bobby Kennedy. Kennedy referred her to the ACLU, and the case eventually made it all the way to the Supreme Court.

In 1967, the Supreme Court overturned their conviction, ruling that the anti-interracial marriage law violated the 14th Amendment (due process and equal protection).

In an interview with the Washington Evening Star in 1965, Mildred said, "We loved each other and got married. We are not marrying the state. The law should allow a person to marry anyone he wants."

And then on 6/12/2007 - the 40th anniversary of that Supreme Court decision, Mildred issued a statement that concluded with the following:

"My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said [this happened earlier - a judge ruled that God had created different races of people because He intended for these races to remain separated], that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone, they have a right to marry.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the 'wrong kind of person' for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight, seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about."


I am grateful to Richard (passed away in 1975) and Mildred (passed away in 2008)......for their tenacity, their character, their strength, their determination, their fearlessness.......and their love.

Amy - you are my Richard. You are my Mildred. And I love you.

Numbers and Percentages

Several weeks ago, I took about 5 minutes out of my day to adjust my direct deposit information at work - instead of dumping everything into my personal checking account, I'm now also contributing to our joint checking and savings accounts.

And I know it's a small thing (and something that millions of people all over the world have been doing for a long, long time), but seeing both of our names on those checks is a wonderful sight. It actually makes my heart happy.

And making plans for a future together is more fun and rewarding than just about anything else I've ever done. I pray I will never take any of it for granted.

Those plans include things like:

Finding a house...acquiring a dog...growing a garden...buying a car...trips we want to take



Life is good.

Guns and McDreamy

A part of me was pretty convinced I'd end up living the rest of my life without finding someone to love. But now that I have found love, I realize I actually believed I'd live the rest of my life without finding anyone to love me. There's a pretty big difference between the two...

Remember Patrick Dempsey in Can't Buy Me Love? Well, I certainly never considered paying Amy $1000 to be my girlfriend for a month, but earlier in our relationship, I'd catch myself wondering where the gun was hiding....you know - the gun that was pointed at her head, threatening to shoot her unless she pretended to love me. It's crazy, but true.

But I also think it was important for me to have had those thoughts.....because it allowed God to move in and say something like "See dumbass! I told you I had good things planned for your life!" - and now I'm able to own those good things....that best thing....that love.....that person.

God is good.

Really, really good.



And I'm blessed.

Really, really blessed.

Closing Ceremonies

I don't know about you, but I feel like my weekend needs a Closing Ceremony!

Things kicked off on Friday morning. Amy and I headed to the Pierce County Fair in Ellsworth, WI (you remember - the Cheese Curd Capital....of Wisconsin). Let's just say it was an incredibly successful day, full of blue ribbons, purple ribbons, a plaque, and big smiles.....oh, and lots of poop. Good God, those giant animals sure do poop a lot. It's actually quite overwhelming. And the smells....oh God....the smells. It's not pretty.

On the way home, we stopped at Morelli's on St Paul's east side. Morelli's is an old school Italian market - kind of a cross between a liquor store and a butcher shop. Among the things we picked up were 2 gorgeous New York Strips.....and we capped the day off by grilling those beauties for dinner.

Then on Saturday, we headed to the Irish Fest near downtown St Paul. Ok - this might be a good time to admit that I'm not sure which is right - Irish Fest or Irish Fair......oh well, you get the idea. Anyway, we had a blast watching a few kids we know dance with their respective dance schools. Two of those kids are going into kindergarten this fall, so watching them 'dance' was full of lots of cheers and clapping.....and laughter. I mean, really - they were hysterically fun to watch. After the dancing ended, we walked around, ate some food, and watched some people. It was an excellent day.

And then this morning, we headed to Red Wing, MN with a couple of friends.....spent some time shopping, and then made our way to a winery for some wine tasting and lunch. The views were spectacular, the food tasty, the wine wonderful, and the company perfect. It was a fantastic day!

But the piece that made the weekend absolutely perfect was having Amy at my side for all of it. I continue to be amazed at the good things in my life, and she is at the top of that list. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I intend to spend the rest of my life paying the universe back for this gift.

A little competition

Competition is good for the soul, right? Or something like that, anyway.....I'm pretty sure of it.

Amy and I are currently enveloped in this notion of competition. Some of it we're experiencing ourselves, and some of it we're witnessing in others.

Tomorrow, for example, we're traveling to the Cheese Curd Capital of the World.....Ellsworth, WI.....not to eat cheese curds, but to watch the 11-year old and the 8-year old show steer at the Pierce County Fair. And I can tell you from watching this type of stuff for the past 3 or so years that this is true competition.....and there's nothing like depending on your enormous animal to be well-behaved in order for you to do well in the competition!

And since I grew up in a city.....and then moved to another city....and then another city.....and so on....I have no idea what any of it means. I just provide enthusiastic smiles and a few high-fives and fist bumps along the way as I listen to whatever stories the kids choose to tell.

And in the spirit of Full Disclosure, I just googled Ellsworth to make sure it was actually the Cheese Curd Capital of the World. It is not. It is merely the Cheese Curd Capital of Wisconsin. Sad.

Anyway, here's a picture of the then 10-year old in action last summer:

And one of the then 7-year old in action:





And not to be outdone by these giant animals, Nibbles the Rabbit is also making his 2nd appearance in County Fair competition. I don't have a good picture of Nibs that I can load here, but I'll be sure to take one tomorrow. Nibs was the only bunny entered in his class yesterday, so I'm happy to say he hopped away with a blue ribbon. The 8-year old also showed Nibbles in the Open Class. Sadly, Nibs did not win......and on the way home, the 8-year old struggled to reconcile her love for Nibbles with her sheer desire for victory, and she wondered (out loud, I've been told) how she could manage to find a better bunny to show next year even though she adores her bunny. And yes, there were tears involved.

As if all this weren't enough, Amy recently informed me that her parents are hosting their Second Annual Ribs and Bags tournament.....oh God.....was I supposed to capitalize "tournament?" I really don't know. Anyway, the "ribs" part is easy. Amy's dad grills ribs, and I eat them. Like I said - easy. But the "bags" part is giving me some concern. It's that classic backyard game where you toss a bag (filled with corn) across the yard, trying to get it to go through a tiny hole....in a board.....25 damn feet away from where you're standing. There's even a $5 entry fee, so this is serious shit.

I am not prepared for serious shit. Not at all.

So today on our way home from work, we bought our own toss-the-bag-into-the-hole game so we can practice before the blessed event. We're getting ready for a practice round tonight.....in the apartment.....while watching the Olympics. It's not the most convenient venue for practice, but we're not in a position to be too picky. Depending on how I perform in this practice round, I might update you all tomorrow......or I might not.

In the meantime, we're watching the US Women's Volleyball team play against Korea......our team is doing well.

That pesky Golden Rule

We all know what it is......right? There are several variations, but the meaning is always the same:

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

That's it.

The older I get, the more I understand this and own it. Because when you think about it, it just makes good sense, and this basic idea can carry over into so many other areas......like:

1. Raising kids who eat vegetables. I don't have kids, but I'm pretty sure the best way to get your kids to eat their vegetables is to let them see you eating your vegetables.

2. Managing people. I don't manage people, but I really do believe that if you want to see a particular behavior in your employees, you'd be smart to display that same behavior without offering excuses about why you're exempt from such behavior.

3. Interacting with other humans. If you'd like to experience other humans who are pleasant and kind, it might be a good idea to be pleasant and kind, too.


And if I want you to accept me for who I am, then I need to accept you for who you are.....and what you believe......and what you think. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying - we don't need to agree....but we should really try to be respectful and kind.

Maybe my thinking is over-simplified.

Maybe.

And if I'm not right, I'm at least pretty close.

Toilet paper and life

When I think about the fact it's only been 12 years since Bob Jones University lifted a ban on interracial dating, I become a bit disheartened for this same-sex marriage debate.

I've talked to people who assume that folks who are still threatened by same-sex relationships are only threatened because they don't actually know anyone who is gay. But that's just not true. Things take time. A lot of time. Bob Jones University.....need I say more?

I'm just going to continue living my life. I'm going to eat breakfast, drink coffee, watch the news, grab a new roll of toilet paper when the previous roll runs out, attempt to do crossword puzzles, set the alarm clock before falling asleep, dream about watching US Open tennis in person, go to church, wash my hair, change the sheets, wash the dishes, and love the person who so perfectly showed up in my life that she can be considered nothing less than a gift from God.

That's it.

And when you think about it, aren't we all just trying to live the best life we can live? I don't know about you, but I really don't have the time or energy to worry about whether or not you are living the life you were meant to live. I hope you are, but you're in charge of that - not me. And if you do things or eat things or use certain products or refuse to use certain products, so be it. Those decisions don't affect me in the slightest.

And believe me - some of you do some things that I think are downright hysterically stupid.....but there's the important part - it's just my opinion, and my opinion doesn't mean shit when it comes to you and your life.

So in the end, I hope you want me to be happy just like I want you to be happy.

If it makes you happy to eat olives, then please eat olives. Personally, I hate the things.....but if you like them, then I want you to enjoy them.

If it makes you happy to listen to jazz, then please listen to jazz. Personally, I never developed an appreciation for jazz.....but if you like it, then I want you to enjoy it.

If it makes you happy to use Aqua Fresh toothpaste, then please use Aqua Fresh toothpaste. Personally, I'm a Crest girl.....and I prefer the paste to the gel, thank you.

If you fell in love with someone of the opposite gender and got married and it makes you happy, I'm very happy for you. I fell in love with someone of the same gender.....can you be happy for me like I've been happy for you? It really is that easy.

And Amy, I really will try to be better about remembering to grab a new roll of toilet paper when the previous roll runs out. Making you happy makes me happy. It really is that simple.

Kindness and smiles

Incline Village, NV is a gorgeous town on the north-eastern shore of Lake Tahoe. My NET team facilitated a confirmation retreat at the catholic parish in town during my first year with NET. It was scheduled to be an overnight retreat, and I was standing just outside the main doors of the church as the high school kids began to arrive - trying to greet them with some enthusiasm as their parents dropped them off.

I watched her get out of the passenger side of her mom's car. The two of them walked through the parking lot toward the church, and I'm sure I said something humerous in an effort to make the kid feel better about the fact that she was getting ready to spend her entire weekend at chuch.

Whatever I said did not work. That kid stared at me with a look that said "leave me the hell alone, lady".....and her mom tried to smile - you know the smile - it's the oh-my-god-i've-failed-as-a-parent-and-everyone-knows-it smile. I smiled back - held the door for them, and went on to greet more kids as they continued to arrive.

This kid's mood did not improve, and soon she ended up by herself in the room where the girls would be sleeping. A couple of my teammated tried to get the kid to rejoin the retreat in the other room, but this girl wouldn't budge. And that's when I decided to give it a try.....

You might think I'm going to tell you that I was able to talk her into taking her headphones off, put the music away, and come back to the retreat......but that's not what happened.

I went in to chat with her - I asked her to pause the music for a bit......we talked for a few minutes, and it became clear to me that there was no way she was going to change her mind. So after agreeing to call her mom to come and get her, I told her that even though she completely blew me off when I had tried being nice to her when she had first walked into the church, that there was something about her that I liked a lot, and I didn't know why.

And by God, she smiled.

She actually looked me in the eyes. And smiled.

Fast forward one year. In an uncommon move, I ended up returning to several locations during my second year with NET......Incline Village was one of them. And that same mom brought her son. I recognized mom right away - went up to her - told her I remembered her daughter from the year before. She immediately started apologizing for her daughter's behavior....I shook my head and told her that I had actaully enjoyed her daughter even though things didn't end as well as they could have ended, and I asked how that daughter was doing.

I found out that had finished high school early and was working for one of the local resorts. Since I had the following day off, I decided to drive down to that resort to see if I could say hello.

She was working at the front desk - her head was down looking at a piece of paper. I walked up to the desk. She looked up, smiled, and said "oh my god - you're back!"

The whole point of this story is to remind you that you really can make a difference in people's lives. A little bit of kindness and respect can create change.

I don't know where that kid is anymore, but I hope she's doing well....and I hope she's happy.

Summer, sun and baseball

Well, I have nothing to say tonight - I spent three hours in the sun this afternoon at a baseball game, and then I sat in two different bars and drank beer.....I've got nothing left for this blog.

It's sad, but true.

And no - I'm not linking this post to facebook. If you should happen to find it on your own, please accept my apologies.

This girl's gotta sleep. Now.

Tolerance

If you're anything like me, you know some intolerant people.

But something dawned on me earlier this afternoon. Sometimes I expect intolerance from certain people - I automatically assume those people are going to act in a certain way or respond in a certain way. And then I'm surprised when I'm wrong.

After thinking about it for a bit, I realized it's just as wrong for me to expect intolerance as it is for others to be intolerant. There's enough shit out there in the world - I certainly don't need to go looking for more.

Amy and I stopped by the grocery store on the way home from work this afternoon. Wait - before I get to that story, let me first explain that I've lived in this current apartment for nearly 4 years. And in those 4 years, I can count on one hand the number of times I've bumped into someone I know from my days with NET (that's the youth ministry organization I served with about 20 years ago). But since Amy moved in with me this past April, I see those NET folks all the time. It's almost creepy.....

Until today (with only one exception), I've been too timid to introduce any of them to Amy. It's always seemed too weird. Ok - who am I kidding? It hasn't seemed weird, it's been downright uncomfortable.....and "uncomfortable" and I have never been close friends.

But today, for whatever reason, I stopped this former supervisor of mine in the parking lot - smiled - said hello - and introduced him to "my partner, Amy."

And nothing happened.

His head didn't spin around. He didn't scream. He didn't start praying over me.

He just simply shook her hand and said, "nice to meet you, Amy."

Huh. How about that? I expected a particular behavior, and I was wrong. Dead wrong.

I'm going to try to remember this experience......because I really want to change that pattern in myself. I want to start expecting good things instead of expecting to be disappointed.

Thanks, Christopher.

Creating new life

For the first 41 years of my life, I've been taught that the fundamental nature of marriage is to create new life....or at least be open to that new life.

The second part of that is questionable for me, only because I have known plenty of amazing legally-married couples in my adult life who have decided not to have kids....and I absolutely respect their decision - their reasons simply aren't important to me.

But I hope you'll indulge me for a few minutes as I talk about this notion of "creating new life." For my first 41 years, I understood this to mean one thing, and one thing only - having babies. But over the course of these last 10 months with Amy, I have come to understand things a bit differently. The growth of this relationship has been like my own rebirth. I know that sounds strange and wacked out, but I am completely serious. I am, simply put, a new person.

I have spent many years playing the role of funny-yet-bitterly-sarcastic-person who always knew how to get a laugh......and along with that role came the glass-is-always-half-empty attitude. Like I said, I know this all might sound strange, but my outlook on life has taken a dramatic turn. Some friends make fun of me, but the sun really does shine brighter - the flowers really do smell sweeter - the coffee really does taste better - the laughter is louder and more frequent - a cold beer even tastes better on a hot day. Seriously. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow will bring....what next month will bring....what next year will bring. It's all good, and it keeps getting better. And it amazes me every day.

I've never felt compelled to have babies, so I never thought I'd understand what it meant to create life. But I am creating new life - both within myself, and with the person I love.....and it's better than anything I could have ever imagined.

I'm trying to threaten you.

Is it working? Do you feel threatened?

I'm only asking because that's apparently my goal - to make you feel threatened. It's all part of my gay agenda. Wait - am I supposed to capitalize that? Let's try again. It's all part of my Gay Agenda.

I digress. Let's get back to the whole 'feeling threatened' thing, because it's fascinating to me. If you're reading this, there's a pretty good chance you actually know me. Have you seriously ever felt threatened by me? And yet most of you, especially if you live in Minnesota and belong to any conservative circles, are being told I am a threat......to your way of life, to your marriage, to your kids, to your religious freedoms.

Let's talk about some of those things.

Your marriage. Can someone please help me understand how my life with my partner is a threat to your marriage? Seriously. I'd really like to know. We made a pot of coffee this morning. Was that the problem? Now we're reading the paper and watching the Olympics. Is that the problem? Amy is going to do a load of laundry in a minute or two. Could that be the problem? We had some friends and family over last night. Was that part of the problem? We're thinking about making a pasta dish for dinner, using the chard we received in our CSA box yesterday. Ha! I bet that's it - I bet that's the problem! I bet that's where the threat is located!

Your kids. Years ago, when the Boy Scouts first decided to ban gay men from being able to serve as scout leaders, my mom (god bless her) told me she agreed with that decision. To present the other side of the coin, I asked what she would think if I announced an intention to serve as a leader with the Girl Scouts, but then the Girl Scouts decided to ban lesbians. She responded by saying, "that's ridiculous, honey - kids love you." Exactly, mom.

When it comes right down to it, I am the same person I've always been.

I was gay when:
We went to Mass together
I ate dinner with your family
I saw you in the grocery store
I celebrated your birthday
We prayed a rosary
We served together on NET
We passed each other on the hill between Egan and the dorms
We played in the Embry Hills handbell choir


I find it ironic that we say things like "all things are possible with God," and then limit God when it comes to things that make us uncomfortable. It's pretty simple - God is either limited, or he's not. My challenge to you is this: If God knows no limit, then can you do me favor and just for a minute, entertain the notion that maybe....just maybe....my relationship with my partner is as blessed by God as your legal (and church blessed) marriage to your spouse? Or are we that wrong about this 'limitless God' thing?

It's Friday, and that's a good thing

Honestly, if you had asked me a year ago whether I really cared about same-sex marriage, I would have said "no." And that's not completely true.....I mean, I cared about it, but it certainly wasn't affecting my life at all, so I didn't focus too much energy on the topic.

Let me give you some history:

I didn't really figure things out until I was 26 or 27. Ok, sure....I knew I was gay, but I wasn't ready to admit it until I was 26 or 27. But looking back, I know now that part of me had known for a long time.....even back to my childhood. Part of me knew in grade school, when I felt most comfortable playing basketball or soccer with the boys. And part of me knew in high school - when all my friends were dating boys and going to school dances and making out in parked cars. Facebook is now litered with random pictures from high school - pictures of couples at dances, pictures of groups having dinner before a dance, pictures of groups hanging out at someone's house after a dance.....and at first glance, I forget why I'm not in any of those pictures.....but then I remember.

And then there were those large family gatherings. You know the kind - generations of folks gathered together, probably for some holiday celebration. I have clear memories of relatives asking my sister to tell them stories about her latest love interests......but those same relatives knew better than to ask me for my stories, so I just listened along with everyone else - nodded or laughed at the appropriate times, and life went on.

I entered a convent when I was 20. It just seemed like the most logical thing to do. Church (and everything about it) was always a comfortable environment for me....and I knew enough to know I wasn't going to get married and give birth to babies.....so I became a nun. Deductive reasoning, right? Well, that lasted just shy of a year and a half. I left the convent with the intention of returning in a year or two, but that never happened.....and I'm not complaining about that. Not at all.

After I left the convent, I applied for a volunteer ministry position with NET Ministries - a traveling, team-based youth ministry based in West St Paul, MN. Even though my in-person interview was 21 years ago or so, I remember parts of it as if it happened yesterday. I remember being asked to affirm my belief in several aspects of Catholicism, and I remember answering "yes" to all but one question.....when she asked if I believed homosexuality to be sinful, I responded with "mmmhmmm" as if saying the word "yes" would somehow leave me in a tortured state from which I might never return. I'll never forget that. I went on to serve for 2 years with NET. I won't pretend they were easy years, but I don't regret a minute of that time. Maybe I'll tell you more about that 2-year experience some day....

Ok. It's time for dinner......and Wheel of Fortune just started. Don't make fun of me - this is damn good entertainment. You know you watch it, too. Some dude just guessed the answer - Frisky Feline Friends......not one of the better puzzles I've ever seen.

It's a new blog! Yippee!

I was chatting with a good friend earlier this evening. Over the course of the conversation, we drifted from talking about cross-country road trips to the upcoming presidential election. While talking to this friend, I came to the following conclusion:

I have stuff to say. I have stuff I need to say.

And I figured this would be as good an avenue as anything in which to say that stuff.

Topic #1 - Facebook

I have like 720 friends on facebook. If you're one of them, hopefully you're someone I actually know and remember. That's right. I'm not proud of the fact that I do have a small handful of Facebook friends whom I don't remember at all. Sometimes I accept a friend request if I see we have certain friends in common. It's just the way it is. Get over it. And stop worrying....I'm sure you're one of the 715 friends I do remember.

I have facebook friends from every aspect of my life: people with whom I attended grade school in Madison, WI - people from high school in Atlanta - folks from college in Steubenville, OH - people I know from NET Ministries in West St Paul, MN - people I met while living in Houston, TX - folks I worked with at Leaflet Missal Company in St Paul - people I worked with at RFC in Minneapolis - folks I've known from the last 11.5 years I've spent at Capella Education Company in Minneapolis - people I've met since becoming a member of Spirit of Hope Catholic Community in Sunfish Lake, MN - and folks I've met along the journey.

I have facebook friends from the US, Canada, the UK, Japan, Finland, Lithuania, Australia, Taiwan, and Africa.

I have friends who are incredibly religious, and friends who are atheists.....friends who are Christian, and friends who are Muslim.....and everything in between.

Some friends are politically motivated, while others couldn't care less. And of those who are politically motivated, they cross all possible political affiliations.

I have friends who are employed, and friends who are unemployed. I also have friends who are underemployed.

Some friends are living lavishly while others are struggling to afford food.

I have friends with lots of children, and friends with no kids - some are childless by choice, and some are not.

Some friends think having lots of children is wonderful, while others think it's socially irresponsible.

I have friends that record tv shows on a dvr, and other friends who don't own a tv.....friends that drive beautiful cars, and friends who don't own a car......friends who live in small, urban, studio apartments, and friends who live in large, suburban, gated communities.

Hopefully my point is clear: I have facebook friends of every possible flavor, and I love it.

Ok. Now I'm tired. More to come tomorrow. Right now, I'm going to stretch out on the couch and relax.....and then I'm going to bed.